Lutheran Carnival LXI

Lutheran Carnival LXI is now up and running at House, M.Div.. The post submitted by yours truly even garnered a comment by the theological curmudgeon. Which post? You'll need to go visit to find out.

So, please stop by, say howdy, and give Rev. Gregory House a big thank you for doing such a great job! And would somebody please tell Rev. House what a table of contents is for…

Killer Search

One of the things I love about Sitemeter, aside from the fact that I can track dolts who think they can comment anonymously while railing against the same, is seeing how folks find my site. Lately, search engines have been directing people my way when they type in the usual “How to put out a fire,” “Ablaze!”, and “National youth gatherings.” All of that is expected of course given the singular focus of this blog.

But yesterday somebody typed in “5 ways to kill a man what does psychopath refer to?” into Google and I came up as hit number 2 of 58,100 possible sites. The reason I was even in the queue was because of my post entitled ”The Death Of Captain America And The Church Growth Movement” (sort of timely considering the preceding post) where I wrote “Alienation is one of the quickest ways to kill readership whether the character be a Harry Potter or a Steve Rogers.” Uh, for that sentence I'm the second hit?

My only question is who the heck enters “5 ways to kill a man what does psychopath refer to?” and expects to get a good answer from Google? Wow, fallen world indeed.

A New Captain America

The Quesada continuum is at it again. A while back I wrote a short little piece on Marvel Comics asinine idea that it would be good to kill off Captain America. With the idea that controversy creates increased sales, Steve Rogers was gunned down by his super spy girlfriend on the steps of a New York courthouse. For the benefit of a short up tick in sales by curious people wanting to scoop up collectors’ items, a character that had been created in 1941 was sacrificed.

To be honest, Captain America 25 was sold out all over the country by 1pm the day it came out. Before the doors even opened at the local comic book shops, issue 25 was all over Ebay, sometimes bundled in groups of ten by distributors (who supposedly had no prior knowledge of the event but had the fortune of ordering oodles of extra copies) for all to cash in on the biggest score since the death of Superman back in the early nineties. Every news network, including the cable channels, featured stories of the demise of the comic book legend. The Q-continuum succeeded in creating the necessary buzz and when all was said and done, and the sales numbers were added up, Marvel declared “mission accomplished.” Oh joy.

But the sales numbers are now back to where they were at before the death of Steve Rogers. The brief extra traffic into the local comic book shops was no different than people slowing down to catch a look at that an accident on the side of the road; a sick fascination with death no different than what we see every day on the way to work on the local interstate

Comic books geeks everywhere were sure that this was merely a short term screw up by the Marvel editorial staff. There was always hope that the body lying on the slab was merely that of a shape changing Skrull or even a Life Model Decoy (just a fancy name for a robot). There was a time at Marvel when dead meant dead, but there was always the possibility of an out as long as there was imagination. But the Q-continuum has other ideas and very little in the way of that whole imagination thingy.

Last week the continuum released its newest vision for Captain America. With a new outfit, the living symbol of America now gets to carry guns and knives with an updated costume designed by Alex Ross. No longer carrying only his defensive and iconic shield, this new “captain” has the weaponry to be relevant in the world in which we live today. Marvel editorial staff won’t say who this new Captain America is but they promise that it isn’t a resurrected Steve Rogers. I could only find one sketch released by Marvel where this new “captain” wasn’t clutching a pistol. Again, oh joy.

Yep, in an effort to try to get those one visit customers to come back one more time, they’re at it again. This proven to fail business model, where the faithful readers who month after month, support both Marvel and the local shops, are being throw aside for the sake of buzz which will only provide short term gains at best. Instead of writing great stories of a beloved character that will keep folks coming back for more, the continuum has created a new character for the masses.

Does anyone at Marvel really think that this is a good idea? The New Coke model has been tried over and over with identical results, failure. The idea that if we just get ‘em in the door they’ll want to stay is flawed insofar as that those who are passionate about a character are alienated and shoved aside to make room for, the less or not at all invested, newcomers. By making the local comic book shop unrecognizable to the fans, what does the continuum think these new non-fans are going to be attracted to? How long will Marvel take to write stories that will actually be part of the novice’s canon, one month, six months, a year or two? How long will it take for the stories written for these curious newcomers to become imaginary stories or just part of an alternate reality? Will those who were only marginally invested to begin with, stay when Marvel shoves them aside to make room for more non-fans by throwing out their canon?

Fans want good stories to read. As long as the story is true to character and well written, the true fan will be back month after month shelling out a hard earned $3.99 for a single issue. Killing off your main character is stupid all by itself. Replacing that same character with someone or something that no one can recognize, is so far beyond dim-witted it defies description. The Quesada continuum has decided that they would rather reject and kill the Captain America most of us grew up with for a new character for a few interviews and public attention by the national media and all at the expense of those of us who grew up with Steve Rogers. The Quesada continuum has decided that not only is Steve Rogers disposable, but so are his fans.

I guess at the end of the day it could be worse, Quesada and company could always do something really moronic like change the color of the incredable Hulk from green to red.

Now aren’t you guys and gals glad I can get off topic every now and then….

A Great Weekend!

Wow. I only had about five hours with the missus this past weekend. Because of a meeting that I didn’t actually receive an invite for until five days before it was scheduled, (even though the meeting had been planned well over three weeks before) my Saturday was ruined.

Sunday’s Divine Service as well a pretty well attended Sunday school class took up the morning of my remaining “day off.” I didn’t leave the kirch as my drive home, with the cost of gas being what it is, would have dipped further into my wallet as well as leaving me stuck in my truck for another hour and a half. I already spend too much time in said truck so I just hung around.

But hanging around allowed me to wash my truck which has been the blunt of many a pigeon jokes at work. The extra free time gave me a chance to exercise my artistic side and work on a requested desert scene. I then laid out the basic groundwork for a “little country church in snow covered mountains” scene that my missus has asked for. Yep, that turned out to be a productive day. But does productivity equal a great weekend?

Nope. I would have been just as content catching up on some reading while telling the wife to keep it down as her favorite football team can't hear her if they are, quite literally, a thousand miles away, no matter how loud she yells at the TV screen.

What made it a great weekend was the Sunday evening Bible study with our youth group. There are few things more awe-inspiring than seeing a group of teenagers actually becoming engaged in an argument on the canonicity of the book of Revelation. (Uh, just so we all are clear, Revelation is in the canon. If you don’t believe me, just look in the table of contents it’s there, really.) To see them excited about something other than Gamespheres or Xcubes was the really a treat. And watching them all have fun and not minding playing Apples to Apples even though we had purchased the “Bible” edition was too cool.

Our youth group participation had fallen in recent years for a variety of reasons. It’s not always easy getting them to “give up” their weekends. As a congregation we have to compete with every sports activity ever conceived, parents that think that church activities are just one more thing, as well as our ongoing battle with a society where absolutes are considered small minded and should be discouraged. It has been and will always be an uphill battle going against our culture.

But slowly and surely the youth are starting to come back and give the group another try. Very, very cool. By offering a consistent gathering where the Bible is the core of our study followed by great food and games that don’t treat the kids like they’re idiots, they are returning. And they are having fun to boot!

And finishing the evening by dropping in over at LongEyeMoose’s place for a twelve year old single malt, well, that was just icing on the cake.

One Of These Things... Part Deux, The Answer

I just about forgot to give my answer to the second of the One Of These Things posts. I’ve been a little busy on the vocational side of the house here in the haut south. I was only home for two weeks last month and clearly my posting suffered. So I’m back now and hopefully I’ll be able to post with a little more frequency.

The one picture that is not like the others is picture number four. While some folks thought the first One Of These Things was really a trick question, it was this post that I was having a little fun. In the first three pictures, three different Christian bodies, (as in denominations, but none of them Lutheran. I just don’t believe this a Lutheran vs. everybody else issue.) are at least talking about Jesus.

A number of folks seem to think that my criticism of the national youth gathering was focusing on what they were doing. Nothing could be further from the truth. My criticism was of what the focus of the national youth gatherings seemed to be. Nearly everybody that either I talked to personally or who commented on my comments brought up the fact that the highlight of the gathering was the emotional impact of the event. One of the kids in my youth group had said they enjoyed the national gathering precisely because didn’t remind them of church. I’ve said ad nauseam that I have trouble supporting events that say purport to be church but has to be explained as church. At the end of the day I wasn’t criticizing what the kids were “doing” but where their focus was.

The reason that is important is that Christ and His gifts are objective rather than subjective. Nothing we do effects the gifts themselves. But if we look inward and make those gifts dependent on how we feel, we have taken our eyes off the prize, Christ.

With that being said, picture four “looks” like something we do in church every Sunday. But looks can sometimes be deceiving. The Unitarians in picture four do not preach Christ crucified as the only way to the Father. Instead the Unitarian congregations put forth a theology where the all paths lead up the same mountains, if such a mountain even exists, and espouse that week after week. So while pictures two through four look like church, the Unitarians rejecting the Way to the Father and embracing a generic more “loving” and inclusive god, are by their very confession not Church.

So again, the second post was the trick question. Most everybody got the joke, some unfortunately didn’t. Hopefully, this post will clear up my position just a little bit. We shouldn’t focus on what we do, but rather the focus should be on the Him who should always be at the core of the Divine Service as well as all our theology, the Crucified Lord, Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God.

Lutheran Carnival LX

Lutheran Carnival LX is now up and running at the Lutheran Carnival site. Please stop by, say howdy, and give Dan a big thank you for doing such a great job! The next carnival will be at House, M.Div. Posts are due by October 19. The Carnival is due up on October 23.

Absurdity Running Amok

I opened my email this morning to find a very enthusiastic person telling me about a recent “Mother Daughter Church Planting” seminar. (those are his quote marks, not mine) He included in the body of his email a link to (Dynamic Church Planting International) DCPI which provided the training material and promotes itself as
"Equipping leaders, churches and associations to impact the planting of one million dynamic churches to reach the world for Christ."

DCPI was founded by Paul Becker who recounts his special calling thusly:

My prayer retreat began on June 13-14, 1997. I spent the first evening and morning in a motel room near San Diego, CA, reading the Bible, and asking the Lord for His vision. On the afternoon of the second day, I drove to Palomar Mountain for a hike. I prayed that the Lord would communicate his vision for DCPI to me. As I walked along the Upper French Valley trail, the Lord impressed these words upon my mind: "Plant a Million Churches." I didn't hear an audible voice, but the words were very clear.

So Paul Becket founded DCPI and dedicated his life to growing the kingdom by starting new churches. Why start new churches? Well, DCPI puts it this way,

Our answer then must be church planting is critically important because it honors God and spreads His fame among the nations. Church planting reflects the light of His beautiful, perfect character through every dark corner of the planet. It brings praise to the One who came to seek and to save those who are lost....John Piper (in his book The Pleasures of God (Sisters, OR: Mulnomah Publishers, Inc., 2000), p. 110) put it this way: "The aim of missions [we might add, and of church planting] is to bring about the obedience of faith among all the unreached peoples of the world. But that is not the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal--even of faith and obedience--is 'for the sake of his name.'"

Anyhoo, this very enthusiastic mission minded person and his Lutheran (LC-MS) pastor went to the seminar to learn how to be more mission minded than they already are and bring about that obedience of faith that DCPI promotes. Believe it or not, there are a surprising number of organizations willing to come in, evaluate your process, and offer up suggestions as to how to increase your productivity so that you can reach as many folks as humanly possible

Included in the body of the email were links to three videos presented at the seminar as instruction and training tools. The three links were
1. 'Evangelism Linebacker'
2. "Mr. Back Pew Warmer"
3. "Harvest"

Recognize any of the videos up there? Of course you do! I posted the 'Evangelism Linebacker' video as an mission idea gone absurd. Apparently, “Mother Daughter Church Planting” seminar is taking videos to heart and showing them to get the troops motivated to grow the church for Jesus.

Boy, I glad some people are finally coming to their senses and throwing out all that old stuffy way of growing the church through preaching the Word purely and administering the Sacraments rightly. Just think how much more we could grow the church if only we used simple business models! If only…

Gosh, now my brain hurts! I can't seem to figure out which Earth of the multiverse I'm on!

Preparing For Sunday School

I apologize ahead of time for the lack of a decent post this week. I’m out of town and stuck in a rat trap hotel trying to put together my Sunday school lesson. Needless to say, that task will certainly be keeping me busy.

This Sunday we start our study on the Confessio Augustana. Last week our vicar gave a history lesson on the politics and the different theological battles going on that led up to the reading of the Augsburg Confession in 1530 at the Diet of Augsburg.

Where do we start? Why, at the beginning of course:

Article I: Of God

1] Our Churches, with common consent, do teach that the decree of the Council of Nicaea concerning the Unity of the Divine Essence and concerning the Three Persons, is true and to be believed without any doubting; 2] that is to say, there is one Divine Essence which is called and which is God: eternal, without body, without parts, of infinite power, wisdom, and goodness, the Maker and Preserver of all things, visible and invisible; and 3] yet there are three Persons, of the same essence and power, who also are coeternal, the Father the Son, and the Holy Ghost. And the term "person" 4] they use as the Fathers have used it, to signify, not a part or quality in another, but that which subsists of itself.
5] They condemn all heresies which have sprung up against this article, as the Manichaeans, who assumed two principles, one Good and the other Evil: also the Valentinians, Arians, Eunomians, Mohammedans, and all such. 6] They condemn also the Samosatenes, old and new, who, contending that there is but one Person, sophistically and impiously argue that the Word and the Holy Ghost are not distinct Persons, but that "Word" signifies a spoken word, and "Spirit" signifies motion created in things.


Yep, I’m going to have fun!

Lutheran Carnival LIX

Lutheran Carnival LIX is up and running at Full Throttle and an Empty Gas Tank!! The Carnival gives us a quick look at John Behnken, a former president of the LCMS. Be sure to stop by, say howdy, and thank Disgruntled World Citizen for doing such a great job hosting!

How Sunday School Class Can Cause Sleep Loss!

Ok kids, I’m going to give you a few simple tips to help you wreck havoc on your Sunday school teacher’s sleep schedule. I’m sure you little ragamuffins know all sorts of way to deprive said teacher of sleep, but I’m certain with my recent experience, this will do the job in the most efficient manner possible.

1) Get a Facebook account and say you are interested in relationships with either men or women.
2) Get a Facebook account and say that you are an atheist.
3) Make sure in Sunday school class that you tell all the less informed slack jawed yokels that Christianity is nothing more than an amalgamation of a bunch of ancient religions.
4) Make sure you mention that all religions, both ancient and modern, including those made in America ones, have equal merit in our discussions during Christian education hour on any given Sunday morning.
5) Be sure to bring up the fact that in your three or four years of high school that you have done exhaustive interviews with your Mormon friends and they “don’t exactly” think they will become gods of their own universe, only that they will become gods. After all, those are different, aren't they?
6) Remind your teacher that any talk of absolutes and condemnatory statements against heterodoxy and within the context of a Sunday school class will only make you angrier than you already are.

Remember to do all these things and you will succeed in making sure that your teacher is so frustrated that he will not be able to fall asleep until one in the morning, a whole three and a half hours after he went to bed.

Remember, that which keeps your teacher from sleeping are those same things he has been trying to teach you for the past few years that you now seemingly reject. He knows it is not in his power to impart any kind of saving faith to you. He was serious when he said that he believed Scripture when it states that it is faith by the grace of God in Christ given to us undeservedly by the Holy Spirit that save us from our deserved fate. He was also serious when he said Scripture teaches that we do have the capability to harden our hearts and reject that same faith. He believes that too and therein lies his sleeping problem.

You see, when you reject those same doctrines which Scripture so clearly lays out, he will lose sleep, and a lot of sleep at that. In spite of all that you have confessed which speaks against Scripture and attacks the Church, your teacher is not losing sleep because he is angry with you. He is losing sleep because he is so filled with sorrow that you, whom he considers a member of his family, may be lost and there is nothing he can do about it.

So there you go kids, have at it. And remember, if you do the job right, your Sunday school teacher may even lose sleep a second or third night depending on how well you did your job.

The Last Supper…For Rats?

Hey, check this out.

Finally there is a poison that will be the last supper for those poor rats, Ratacide.

Uh, wait a minute here, is anybody going to tell the Mortein folks that, with the picture they are patterning their pest control on, Leonardo da Vinci’s Last Supper, that we should only expect two dead rats out of the thirteen rats attending that supper? That’s only a fifteen percent kill ratio! I’ll stick to the good old fashion traps myself. Maybe the good folks at Mortein should stick to more traditional methods of advertising, at at least hire a theologian worth a darn. While I applaud them for the effort but they still receive a failing grade for content.

Hmm, is it just me or does that sixth mouse from the left look like a little feminine?

One Of These Things, The Answer

Now it’s time to answer my own question and tell all you good folks where I was going with my One Of These Things... and One Of These Things... Part Duex posts. Before I give you my answer, let me just say that you folks that read (and can somehow make out and comprehend) the dribble I write are awesome. Only one commenter fell for the “trick question” and that wasn’t even for the post I intended to be the punch line. We’ll get into that a little later in the next post though.

The one of these things that wasn’t like the others in my first post was picture number 1. All of the pictures but number 1 are of rock concerts. Number 1 is of an event that is meant to be a worship and praise service for youth.

Most of you knew where I was going with this because of previous posts. I've asked the question before and I'll ask it again, if something has to be explained as church to youth is it really church at all? My thought is almost always no, it usually isn’t church if it needs explanation. That kind of reasoning is reserved for art and in my humble opinion, is always suspect.

How many kids come back from national gatherings (this applies to all Christian denominations, not just LCMS) walk into the sanctuary, and wonder why they have to sing hymnody reverently and are not able to throw balloons and beach balls around as part of the Divine Service. How many kids wonder why, if they feel so inclined, can’t just break into dance during a Sunday morning service, again, if they feel so inclined? What are kids to think when they can’t receive the same emotional high because the music is not loud enough nor are the songs sung playing on the local contemporary Christian music station? How many kids will look for a new church given the chance when told by modern day Schwarmerei who bow their knee to those living in purple palaces, that they are the best the church has to offer only to return to a congregation that says Christ offers all and did all? This playing on the emotions of youth, I would argue, makes it difficult for the same youth to make any identification with church if in fact one exists or existed at all.

Back when the Augsburg Confession was written the old Lutherans were accused of trying to reinvent or abolish the Divine Service (back then it was called the Mass). This simply wasn’t true. In Article XXIV 1-9, confesses;

Falsely are our churches accused of abolishing the Mass; for the Mass is retained among us, and celebrated with the highest reverence. Nearly all the usual ceremonies are also preserved, save that the parts sung in Latin are interspersed here and there with German hymns, which have been added to teach the people. For ceremonies are needed to this end alone that the unlearned be taught [what they need to know of Christ]. And not only has Paul commanded to use in the church a language understood by the people 1 Cor. 14, 2. 9, but it has also been so ordained by man's law. The people are accustomed to partake of the Sacrament together, if any be fit for it, and this also increases the reverence and devotion of public worship. For none are admitted except they be first examined. The people are also advised concerning the dignity and use of the Sacrament, how great consolation it brings anxious consciences, that they may learn to believe God, and to expect and ask of Him all that is good. [In this connection they are also instructed regarding other and false teachings on the Sacrament.] This worship pleases God; such use of the Sacrament nourishes true devotion toward God. It does not, therefore, appear that the Mass is more devoutly celebrated among our adversaries than among us

The article goes on to condemn various Roman church’s practices using Scripture as the rule and norm not false doctrine held up by tradition. I know what some of you are already thinking; “but Frank, see, church tradition isn’t the rule and norm, the Bible is! As long as they hear the Bible, they are in church, so your argument has already fallen apart.” On the surface that does appear to be the case. But those who think that missed the part of Article XXIV that says certain ceremonies are needed to teach young and old bronze agers alike that our practices should reflect and even promote the theology given to us in Scripture.

Many of the people that I’ve talked to, both young and old, prefer that our youth attend a worship service that looks like a rock concert always seem to point out what an emotional event a national gathering was for both the ragamuffins as well as themselves. That’s fine. I am certainly not going to say that a tear has never rolled down my cheek during the singing of a hymn, more that once this happened to yours truly. However, Christianity as experiential spiritualism shouldn’t be a reason for attending what we put forth as a national event.

If we as Christians look for an emotional high, we are only looking inward and we’ve taken our eyes off Christ and his cross. Emotions are human and for that reason, emotions can lie and can be manipulated. The whole reason we do what we do in the historic liturgy is to focus on Christ and His gifts. Nothing that we feel will change what Christ has done for us and continues to do for us when we gather as a congregation.

For the record, I speak from experience on this matter. This is why I’m so passionate about Word and Sacrament being the center of the church and why I believe it’s so important to properly catechize youth. When I was growing up, I too looked for that elusive high I felt outside of church. That led to me spending fifteen years as an atheist because I couldn’t distinguish an emotional event from God’s gifts.

If one teenager or child has to have it explained to him or her that the purpose of a youth gathering worship service, whether it be a national Lutheran gathering or that little Baptist church on the north side of town, is not an “uplifting and emotional” experience but the administration of God’s gifts, then we all did something wrong. When we do this, we knowingly or unknowingly, emotionally manipulated our children into thinking that God’s gifts are dependent on how they feel.

Next post I’ll explain the reasoning for my choice for the One Of These Things, Part Deux post.

Lutheran Carnival LVIII

Lutheran Carnival LVIII is now up and running at The Moose Report. Please stop by, say howdy, and thank Rachel for all her hard work getting the carnival together.

The Witness Duck?

This picture is from the Southeastern District's latest newsletter found here. As you can see, the blurb highlights a new evangelism technique, the Witness Duck, at the National Youth Gathering.

Uh, the Witness Duck? Really?

On a related topic, my missus, whose vocation is law enforcement, told me just two days ago that LSD never completely leaves your system. I always thought that eventually it worked it's way out. She says I'm mistaken it really stays in your system, forever, really. Hmm, who knew.

One Of These Things... Part Deux

One of these things is not like the others

one of these things just doesn’t belong.

Can you tell which thing is not like the other

by the time I finish my song?

Let's try a new game shall we? One of the pictures in this post is not like the others. The question is which one, and why. Good luck!

Yes, I will answer the question, on this post as welll as the last, myself. I promise. I will. Really.