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Wednesday, September 19, 2007 

How Sunday School Class Can Cause Sleep Loss!

Ok kids, I’m going to give you a few simple tips to help you wreck havoc on your Sunday school teacher’s sleep schedule. I’m sure you little ragamuffins know all sorts of way to deprive said teacher of sleep, but I’m certain with my recent experience, this will do the job in the most efficient manner possible.

1) Get a Facebook account and say you are interested in relationships with either men or women.
2) Get a Facebook account and say that you are an atheist.
3) Make sure in Sunday school class that you tell all the less informed slack jawed yokels that Christianity is nothing more than an amalgamation of a bunch of ancient religions.
4) Make sure you mention that all religions, both ancient and modern, including those made in America ones, have equal merit in our discussions during Christian education hour on any given Sunday morning.
5) Be sure to bring up the fact that in your three or four years of high school that you have done exhaustive interviews with your Mormon friends and they “don’t exactly” think they will become gods of their own universe, only that they will become gods. After all, those are different, aren't they?
6) Remind your teacher that any talk of absolutes and condemnatory statements against heterodoxy and within the context of a Sunday school class will only make you angrier than you already are.


Remember to do all these things and you will succeed in making sure that your teacher is so frustrated that he will not be able to fall asleep until one in the morning, a whole three and a half hours after he went to bed.

Remember, that which keeps your teacher from sleeping are those same things he has been trying to teach you for the past few years that you now seemingly reject. He knows it is not in his power to impart any kind of saving faith to you. He was serious when he said that he believed Scripture when it states that it is faith by the grace of God in Christ given to us undeservedly by the Holy Spirit that save us from our deserved fate. He was also serious when he said Scripture teaches that we do have the capability to harden our hearts and reject that same faith. He believes that too and therein lies his sleeping problem.

You see, when you reject those same doctrines which Scripture so clearly lays out, he will lose sleep, and a lot of sleep at that. In spite of all that you have confessed which speaks against Scripture and attacks the Church, your teacher is not losing sleep because he is angry with you. He is losing sleep because he is so filled with sorrow that you, whom he considers a member of his family, may be lost and there is nothing he can do about it.

So there you go kids, have at it. And remember, if you do the job right, your Sunday school teacher may even lose sleep a second or third night depending on how well you did your job.

About me

  • I'm Frank Gillespie
  • From The Haut South
  • Confessional Lutheran
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