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Friday, December 02, 2005 

Funny Stuff.....

From Blogger Jeremy Abel who uses a little truth to poke fun at us Lutherans.

A Brief Lexicon of Lutheran Terminology for the Unlearned
Predestination: What do you think I am, some kind of Calvinist?
Law: Everything that I don't have to do because I'm baptized.
Gospel: The unconditional pronouncement of the forgiveness of sins.
Repent: That thing I never have to do because of the Gospel.
Believe: That other thing I never have to do because of my baptism.
Baptism: A sacrament for only babies that guarantees their salvation after they grow up and quit attending church.
Conversion: When a baby gets baptized. Adults are never converted.
Evangelism: My pastor's job. That's why adults are never converted.
Catechism: Doctrines that I don't know, but my pastor is supposed to teach my kids.
Confirmation: The wonderful day on which a 13-year-old is allowed to receive the Lord's Supper for the first and last time.
Book of Concord: The comprehensive book of everything my pastor believes.
Liturgy: The order of service, which my children are supposed to miraculously learn by playing with toys during the worship hour.
Pietism: The belief that Christians ought to care about obeying God.
Pietist: Anyone more scrupulous about obeying God than me.
Good Works: What makes the Pietists stand out from the real Lutherans. Only done for the purpose of earning one's salvation.
Legalism: Making me feel guilty or obligated to exercise moral discipline.
Papist: Anyone who foolishly believes that the pope speaks with God's infallible voice.
Martin Luther: 16th-century Reformer who spoke with God's infallible voice.
The Bible: A collection of holy books consisting of Genesis 1 and 2, the Ten
Commandments, the four Gospels, and the book of Galatians.
Old Testament: A collection of books that Jews and Calvinists teach their children.
"The Bible is a book for heretics": Common erroneous saying of 16th-century papists.
Revelation: A book for heretics.
Church Discipline: Not a mark of the Church, therefore not required for or practiced by Lutheran churches. We hear that the Pietists are all into it, though.
Pastor: The guy who is responsible for teaching the faith to my children, preaching the Gospel to my neighbor, making our church grow, and making me feel good about myself.
Adiophora: Anything that is left free by Scripture, such as church government.
Episcopal polity: A forbidden form of church government, since Catholics do it.
Presbyterian polity: Another forbidden form of government, since Calvinists do it.
Congregational polity: The only acceptable form of government, since Walther instituted it.
Faith: The belief that what I do is irrelevant to my salvation.
Justification: A legal status of righteousness before God that is achieved by continually reminding one's self that God doesn't care what you do.

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  • I'm Frank Gillespie
  • From The Haut South
  • Confessional Lutheran
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