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Sunday, February 03, 2008 

New Mormon President Holds Press Conference

The Salt Lake Tribute
Article Last Updated: 02/04/2008 11:52:00 AM MST

Tradition won the day and Thomas Monson, a 44-year veteran of the Mormon hierarchy, became the faith's new president and prophet. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints led by the Quorum of Twelve elected Monson unanimously as expected.

Mormons believe that leaders of their church ascend the hierarchy in a process guided by God. The man (and it's only men because of the patriarchal nature of the religion), whom God permits to serve and survive the longest, becomes the Mormon "prophet, seer and revelator" when the group's president passes. As this is a long standing tradition for the denomination, the transition for one of the fastest growing churches in the world was expected to be a smooth one.

But controversy may be inevitable as rumors swirl around the leadership. In the past few days the church officials have been trying to quell rumors about the infiltration of outsiders into the inner circles of the hierarchy. Last week it was leaked that the Quorum of Twelve actually was comprised of fourteen members. When the two addition members were added and who they are remains a mystery.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, a long time church member said that “the Quorum has been infiltrated by “toasters”.” What a “toaster” is remains unclear.

Immediately after assuming the office of Prophet, Thomas Monson held a press conference at Temple Square in Salt Lake City denying any irregularities by emphatically stating “I am not a cylon, and if I find out anyone of the Twelve is a cylon, they will be dealt with in the harshest manner allowed under our laws.” Questions by reporters regarding how a Quorum of Twelve could have fourteen members were ignored.

It is only speculation that a cylon is similar to a “toaster”. Largely a secretive group, the Latter Day Saints have many rituals hidden from those who have not been through a three step process which includes instruction at what is called a Ward, Stake, and finally, the Temple. Because of outsiders not being “brought to light”, proper understanding of rituals and the accompanying terminology has made dialogue with and reporting on Mormons difficult.

The “harshest manner” reference in Monson’s statement can only be assumed to be a shunning that excludes members from temple worship which is the pinnacle of the Mormon faith. Certain Christian denominations have a similar practice called excommunication although it is rarely practiced.

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There will now be a secret campaign to root out those elders with a covert/overt devotion to Jimi Hendrix. :)


Is that a reference to them liking electric blues or psychedelic drugs? Otherwise, "A Band of Gypsies" is a pretty good album.

I believe the appropriate punishment these days is to put them out the airlock after intense interrogation to give up more Cylon operatives.

So say we all der bettler

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