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Wednesday, January 13, 2010 

The Festival Of The Blessing Of The Blessed Internet Ready Mobile Devices

The Times is reporting that in an effort to be all things to all people Canon David Parrott blessed laptops and cell phones placed on the altar of St Lawrence Jewry Church of London on Monday.

I looked in my Treasury of Daily Prayer this morning and I can’t find the Festival of the Blessing of the Blessed Internet Ready Mobile Devices anywhere.

What’s up with that? Have we conceded the tech savvy seeker demographic to the emergent church or the Unitarians. Don't we love the children of the iPod and netbook enough to provide the rubrics and rites necessary to reach out to them in a manner that is relevant? Are we so inward looking that we don’t include the Festival of the Blessing of the Blessed Internet Ready Mobile Devices in our devotional materials like TDP?

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Keep in mind that he is also blessing in proxy all UPnP (Universal Plug and Play) devices, too. It isn't enough to simply be Internet ready in order to receive a blessing at the altar. I believe you can find this in the Vebkald Articles around the 802.x blessings and condemnations.(As an aside 802.11n "wireless N" stands condemned in the Vebkald Articles due to the multitudes of LIES around its maximum range which forbids the bytes to penetrate beyond 802.11g range.) No, UPnP is the standard and as the standard for the connectivity of disparate devices to networks of various kinds, sizes, and shapes, all must uphold and bless UPnP along with Internet connectivity.

Anyway, I hope that helps. And if you should have any questions. Please contact your local diocese of connectivity. Thank you.

Jim, I could be wrong (being only a slack jawed amateur historian without a formal degree) but I don’t think the Vebkald Articles were ever ratified at the council convened at Ingelheim…

Call me silly, but you'd think the church would be able to provide this blessing as an online service that could be payed for (well--I guess it would be a donation, right?) via PayPal.

What with the various "blessing" services I've seen lately, including the blessing of the pets and the blessing of the motorcycles-- now the blessing of the technological toys-- I can only conclude that the church, in its more insane moments, has decided that the best way to get people to like them is to put people's idols on the altar and say a good word over them.


Kelly, It might be a bit more like idolatry than insanity. I read a couple of articles that claim that Plough Monday was nothing more than the church adopting pagan fertility rituals. The original Plow Monday festivals look remarkably similar to Druid rituals but I can’t find any evidence (real or implied) to nail that down with any certainty.

Maybe it will be in the Treasury mobile version.

Oh that's too funny! Wait, there's gonna be a mobile version? How about an app for my iPod?

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