Lutheran Carnival XLIV

Lutheran Carnival XLIV is up and running at The Rebellious Pastor’s Wife's site. She treats us to a baseball theme with her home run hosting of the Carnival. Stop by, say howdy, and congratulate her for a job well done!

What Church Is Not, Part 3

This is really the last poest on these folks at Epic. From the front page of the Fox News website:

Sexually Suggestive Sermons From Michigan Pastor Leave Some Hot and Bothered

It's a shame when the Lutheran Church Missuiri Synod is linked to people like this. It's worse yet when this has been allowed to go on for a looooong time without someone putting their foot down on heterodoxy.

A tip of the hat to Erik who's been "lurking" on the blog. Thanks Erik, and I'll see ya at the Great Easter Vigil!

Ash Wednesday!

From dust thou art, and to dust thou shalt return.

Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent for the Church. I'm looking forward to going to church tonight to receive the imposition of ashes. The ashes are supposed to come from the burning of last year's palm crosses. As my pastor or vicar makes the sign of the cross on the forehead he reminds us of our mortality by announcing "From dust thou art and to dust shalt thou return".

For more on this historical Church event, be sure to visit Aardvark Alley as Orycteropus Afer explains it all much better than I ever could in this great post.

What Church Is Not, Part 2

Over the weekend I received a screen shot of Epic Wired Church's sermon series from last fall. Epic, according to my last post, is what church is not! I became aware of Epic sometime in October, when they were having their “how to score” series. I didn’t bother bringing that up in the previous post because I thought that most folks would think I was joking around again. So, thanks to Scott for sending me the screen shot complete with “Scoring with Your Wife, the PG-13 version” So when Jesus said “ “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God.” I’m pretty sure He didn’t mean unless your church preaches something that is inappropriate to the little ragamuffins.

RandomDan busted my chops in the previous post for not knowing about these guys two years ago. He was kind enough to send me a link from a Bunny Diehl discussion of the "star wars" sermon series. Apparently the "pastor" rented a Wookie suit to make the church all the more better. (yes I wrote it that way on purpose) Here's a quote from a member of Epic:

"Sometimes, you've got to be a bit of a nut to get people's attention," said Kazmierczak, as he walked in the Chewbacca suit from his office at Blackhawk Systems to morning rush hour traffic on Mound Round.
If the suit and sign get a few people to think about religion, the effort paid off, he says.
"What says 'I want to win your heart to Jesus' better than a Wookie?" Kazmierczak jokingly asked.
The Chewbacca suit is expected to continue to pop up at various spots in metro Detroit through Sunday. The church rented the suit for a week.
It also plans to have Chewie on hand at the first service of the "Star Wars" sermons this Sunday.
Chewbacca will fit right in at Epic, Kade says. "We kind of have a casual dress code."

But I told Dan that “There are things we just don’t seek out. You can’t just go out and look for… evil.“ That’s right; I didn’t go out and try to find evil, it, as it usually does, found me. I’d like to add a quote from that big blue bug of justice: the Tick, which just seems appropriate:

"Yes, evil comes in many forms, whether it be a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin, but you can't let the package hide the pudding! Evil is just plain bad! You don't cotton to it. You gotta smack it in the nose with the rolled-up newspaper of goodness! Bad dog! Bad dog!"

What Church Is Not

What is church? That seems like an easy question doesn’t it? Church as Lutheran’s define it is the place where we go that God’s Word is purely taught, and the Sacraments are rightly administered. Church is the place where we go to receive God’s gifts of grace. This extraordinary task is accomplished through what seem like ordinary means. It is God, through divine means, serving the faithful (yes, it's God doing all the doing). At Church we hear God’s law that we can not even start to keep because we are poor sinful creatures. At Church we hear that Christ has kept the Law perfectly for us in our stead. At Church we hear God’s Word proclaim that Christ has not only kept the law perfectly, but has taken our deserved punishment in our stead. In Church, it’s all about what God has done and continues to do for us. That’s, in a nutshell, what Church is.

What church is not is a place that we go to get therapy. What church is not is this place. Heterodoxy is enough to make me scream!

The More Things Change...

My wife and I came across this delightful little treat during our evening devotional after supper.

I am amazed that you have so quickly turned away from that to which you were called through the grace of Christ to another gospel. Galatians 1:6

There you see St. Paul complain how they stumbled and fell from faith so quickly and easily. Therefore he warns and exhorts the Christians here and in other places and says, “Let he that stands be careful that he doesn’t fall.” We also daily encounter what crude and miserable things happen when a human heart wants to grasp and retain faith, or how troublesome it is when one prepares a militant nation for the Lord. If one even had ten whole years with doctrine, exhortation and discipline, he would have his hands full to bring forth a church or congregation in a single place that would run in an orderly and Christian manner. If he finally did pull it off after a great effort, then, afterwards, some unholy fanatic would sneak in, a great course ass who has only the skill to contradict and blaspheme the true preachers, overturning the congregation again. Whose heart would not ache over such a tragedy?
Now by God’s grace we have accomplished. Here in Wittenberg [the church runs] in the manner and form of a true church or Christian congregation, for one preaches the pure gospel and God’s Word, so one uses the Sacrament rightly, one exhorts and prays for all stations in life, etc. In summary, God be praised, it goes well and fine as it should. Yet it is sure that if the profane fanatics could come, those who presently act according to their own traditions, they would ruin it at once and (so to speak) subvert and throw what we have been able to establish in so many years with such great effort into a junk heap, in the twinkling of an eye.
This was encountered by St. Paul, the chosen instrument of God. He had established the congregations in Galatia with great care and work. The false apostles came after he left. In a short time they overturned everything, as this battling epistle, along with the others, also give abundant witness. This, our life on earth, is a totally poor, miserable, weak, uncertain, tenuous thing. So Satan has arranged things everywhere for us, and everywhere he has laid so many trip wires for us that whenever we turn around, a single fanatic overthrows and ruinously tramples what good right and true servants of Christ have produced over a long period of time with great labor day and night. That is what we must (unfortunately) experience at this time with trouble and great heartache. We hold it inside and are unable to help or counsel in such miserable trouble.
For this reason also, since Christianity is such a fragile and tender thing, which is why this happens so quickly and painfully, one must always have a good ready eye out for such fanatics and sectarian spirits. They are so sneaky that they think that when they have heard a sermon or two, or read a pamphlet or two, then they are already accomplished masters over all masters and disciples, even if no one has ordained, called, or sent them. Some uneducated laborers can also be so stupidly bold, and they appraise and understand this great, high, difficult, and dangerous office [the Office of the Holy Ministry] so lightly, that they disregard it even though their whole lives long they [the fanatics] were never in a true trial before God’s wrath and judgment, nor healthy and earnestly terrified, much less had they tasted God’s grace.
But since they are only godless windbags, they teach according to their own opinions what pleases themselves and what the people want to hear. Since the people gladly hear only what is strange and new, such new tricks also please them well and he gathers a swarm in the hive. While they dream that they correctly have the teachings of the Father, and are even practiced in a few afflictions and trials, in this they are drawn and misled by crazy fanatical spirits.

Altb. VI, 547-548 Commentary on Galatians, 1535, cf. AE 26 & 27


Saint Paul wrote his epistle almost 2000 years ago. Dr. Luther commented on St. Paul's epistle almost 500 years ago. And here we are today, in the exact same miserable condition.

Email Request

I just got an email from Tishale who wrote; "We need more stuff to read." Yes, Tishale, I know it seems that I've been slacking off. But my computer had a hard crash two weeks ago and the majority of my time has been getting all my work "stuff" back up and running. It seems Windows lost some of it's protocols and wouldn't boot up at all. It's strange, this kind of thing never seems to happen to that "other" operating software I run at home. Hmm. Fortunately, most of my stuff was backed up and I expect to get caught up by the middle of next week.
As soon as I'm caught back up I'll start posting more. Is there any topic in particular you want me to address?

Uncle Frank's Favorite Gift Of The Year Award 2006

Well, just a little bit of house keeping today. I was negligent in my duties last month and forgot to announce my Uncle Frank’s Christmas present of the year. I had camera “troubles” Christmas Eve and for one reason or another, I kept putting it on the back burner.

The coveted prize for 2006 goes to……….. Valerie, my niece, for the second year in a row. Valerie got me the Passing The Peace Protection Packet from the Old Lutheran website.The packet is advertised as “for safe and sanitary handshakes!” the packet includes the following:

1-Peace Passing Protective Mask
1-Hair Net
1-latex Protective Glove
8- Peace Passing Cards
1- Post Peace Passing Sanitizing Towelette

Valerie won this award because she understands her uncle. She understands that her uncle does not like to be touched. He doesn’t want hugs or pats on the back, and he doesn’t want to shake your hand. He most certainly doesn’t want to shake your hand right in the middle of the Divine Service’s liturgy. Valerie’s uncle just looks at this whole passing of the peace thingy as one big interruption to the liturgical service. Uncle Frank doesn’t want to hear about how much fun he missed at Men’s fellowship night. He doesn’t want to hear about how your cousin Lucy is doing after her colonoscopy. Truth be told, during the Divine Service, he really doesn’t care. He’s just hoping that Sven, two pews over, will shut up about how good the evangelism programs in Sweden are so he can receive the blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist sometime before dinner!

And Uncle Frank has a little bit of news for all of you, who for whatever reason, think shaking hands during the Divine Service is Biblical…it’s not! Saint Paul in Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, and 1 Thessalonians 5:26 doesn’t tell the readers of the epistles to greet each other with the holy handshake, he tells them to “greet one another with a holy kiss.” Saint Peter echoes Paul in 1 Peter 5:14 with “greet one another with a kiss of love.”So, unless you want to start doing what the Bible says to do and start puckering up to a slack jawed (and very furry) yokel, keep away from Uncle Frank during the Divine Service.

So, in closing, Uncle Frank is well understood by his niece. And she clearly deserves the coveted Uncle Frank’s Christmas Present of the Year Award for 2006. Uncle Frank plans to put the Packet to good use this Sunday, as He will be visiting a parish an hour south from his normal stomping ground. The reason for that, is yet another post…..

The 30 Hour Fiasco

One of the benefits of chairing the Bored of Education is I get lots of junk mail for all sorts of “causes”. Last night I stopped by the church office to clean out my mailbox and there was a big honking package waiting for me. Inside was a free t-shirt and promotional material for the 30 Hour Famine. What’s a 30 hour famine you ask? The website promoting said famine described it like this;

“youth group members raise money through donors and sponsors to help the millions of starving and hurting children in some of the world's poorest countries, offering them a hope they could not otherwise have. The groups then go 30 hours without food, so that they can have a real taste of what hunger is like. During this time they engage in different activities, from community service projects to volunteer work to study, depending on how each group plans their own event. Afterwards the money raised is sent in to World Vision, and we put it to work in areas like Kenya, Sudan, and here in the United States.”

Now, according to the packet that came with the shirt, the little ragamuffins can enjoy not eating, living in cardboard boxes for a night, and even participating in a game of “tribes” where decisions are made about what to do with not enough resources for their different groups.

I liken this nonsense to Hollywood movie stars sleeping on the street to bring attention to the plight of the homeless. Of course, the same stars always seem to be dressed in thousand dollar suits and dresses before we see them again at the next red carpet event. If they really wanted to help they would give Matt Harrison at LCMS World Relief a buzz and donate something other than a can of cream of mushroom soup that had been sitting in the pantry for eight years aging to that ripe old age suitable enough to be used as a generic Botox.

Anyhoo, one of the things that just had me just rolling on the floor was a testimonial that stated;

“The 30 Hour Famine has given our youth group the opportunity to expand their horizons through activities and events within our community. This event gets the youth to step out of their comfort zones at least once a year, which allows them to be vulnerable to the Lord.”

Yep, they really said “vulnerable to the Lord”. No kidding and no joke. I don’t know what that means, and I don’t want to. All I do know is that this “Christian” organization conveniently forgot to mention Christ. And since any good work, without Christ is nevertheless likely to be a mortal sin. (Heidelberg Disputation, theses 3) and to also say that works without Christ are dead, but not mortal, appears to constitute a perilous surrender of the fear of God, (Ibid, theses 9), I'm pretty sure no children in my congregation will be going hungry or living in a box anytime soon.

Hobos, Ivy Leaguers, And The Priesthood

Too often I’m accused of “just being critical” of my beloved synod, the LCMS. So taking the advice of a reader, I’ve prayed for a rather extended period of time before commenting and came up with this solution for the pastor shortage that I’ve been told we have. And truth be told, this post is really an extended response to synod unleashing their EVAT strike teams.

I don’t often agree with synodical leadership, but this time they are hitting the nail on the head. We in the LCMS have a problem with church workers not understanding their “station” in our society. We’ve all known for far too long that the priestly caste just can’t seem to live within their means. Eustolio Gomez, CPS director of education speaking on church worker indebtedness states succinctly and profoundly “financial planning goes beyond "not getting paid enough." He says, "The real answer is in learning how to deal with expenses."

What the heck do these people spend all the money we give them on? Are they blowing all that money on rent, electricity, food or clothing? I know more than a couple that actually fill up their BMW’s with premium gasoline, which only goes to support Muslims (who I understand don’t even like Christians). Where do these people get off?

Did Jesus have a nice apartment or big house on that north side of town where all the best schools are? No he did not. Did he drive a nice M3 around the mission field? No, he walked everywhere! If walking was good enough for Jesus, shouldn’t the priestly caste make a better effort at emulating the Savior of the human race?

As everyone who reads this blog is aware of, I strongly support the Office of the Ministry. But let’s all be honest, these members of the priestly caste don’t work but one day a week. And on that one day, truth be told, they can usually be caught sipping a little vino.

So here is a modest proposal to address our shame wrought scandal of church workers who just can’t seem to manage their money; just write off the current batch and hire a new group of more responsible stewards of the churches monies.

Where we should start is the Ivy League business schools. The caliper of people graduating from business schools such as Harvard and Yale aren’t going to work for less than a six figure salary, period. With that in mind, I’m sure we can get a few to accept employment in our pulpits. These pioneering spirits would accept the challenge of turning around our congregational budgets. The more the congregation can be encouraged to bring in the, the more the “CEO” of the parish would collect. By applying simple business models learned in those high class business schools, the “CEO” could not only turn around the fiscal situation of the congregation but the districts and the synod as well. All levels of the polity would benefit. And most importantly, these brave souls would not be as frivolous with their money as apparently the current crop does.

The second front we should attach this shameful problem is by looking to the indigent. These poverty stricken people already know how to do with less. They are already emulating Christ by walking everywhere (no BMW problem here). They are emulating Christ by living in the mission field. Jesus was a carpenter, the indigent are good at building homes out of cardboard boxes. Jesus didn’t hold a steady job during his earthly ministry, the indigent have that base covered too. And isn’t the mission to reach the unreached? The people that most of society calls “hobos” already have makeshift churches under every overpass in every city. This is a tremendous growth opportunity for the LCMS. In a story reported by the AP, the National Alliance to End Homelessness, an advocacy group, is stating that there are 744,000 homeless. Just think what we could do if we just convert 10% of the nation’s indigent over to the priestly caste!

The LCMS was founded to send out missionaries and train pastors. Sure we have pulled back many of our missionaries, and sure we no longer (as a synod) support or fund the current crop of church workers at the seminaries. But this isn’t our grandparent’s synod. So the current members of priestly caste should quit bellyaching about how much it costs to stay in school for eight years, turn the heat down, go back to eating macaroni and cheese, and start learning how to manage their monies. Otherwise you should expect a visit by a synodical EVAT strike team. And rest assured, you don’t want that to happen.

Lutheran Carnival XLI

Lutheran Carnival XLI is up and running at Dan's Necessary Roughness as he kicks off the 2007 Lutheran Carnival season with an American football theme, plus comments on one of his favorite Lutheran hymn writers, Philipp Nicolai. Stop by, say howdy, and be sure to tell Dan what great job he did!

EVAT Strike Teams Begin Campaign

A member of the priestly caste just forwarded me the following LCMS E-News bulletin:

January 8, 2007 .................... LCMSNews -- No. 5

Help is available for church workers with debt concerns

While two-thirds of LCMS church workers would speak to a financial professional if their debts were affecting their ministries, less than a third know that such services are available.
Such awareness -- identified in the Lutheran Church Extension Fund study of worker indebtedness -- is one of the worker debt issues that is on the agenda of the Economic Vitality Action Team (EVAT) of representatives from colleges and seminaries, Concordia Plan Services, Lutheran Church Extension Fund, and the LCMS Commission on Ministerial Growth and Support (CMGS).
The team is attempting to approach worker indebtedness through the church "system," according to Rev. David Muench, CMGS executive director. "There's no one black hat, but the current condition of indebtedness is the result of actions and interactions within the system. If we begin toward resolution in one place, the impact will ripple throughout the system," he said.
To start the ripple, the team has proposed that seminaries require a basic financial literacy class for any student who receives financial aid.
A proposal to encourage the Concordia universities to follow suit is not far behind. However, the larger challenge is to build service networks and help church workers know what is available.
Among such services are seminars on financial planning and retirement planning, offered since 2000 by Concordia Plan Services (CPS). Eustolio Gomez, CPS director of education, offers seminars at church-worker conferences and other venues.
Gomez says financial planning goes beyond "not getting paid enough." He says, "The real answer is in learning how to deal with expenses." Muench observes that people tend to keep their debt a secret, which affects their desire to get help. "Shame is an important part of the problem," he added.
LCEF emphasizes confidentiality since it began offering debt consolidation loans in early 2000, according to LCEF President Merle Freitag. "We are aware of embarrassment and the fear that careers may be in jeopardy because others think a worker can't manage funds," he says. He adds that LCEF works with Concordia Plan Services to provide referrals to financial counseling.
Muench comments, "We have recruited church workers with the observation that the money issues will take care of themselves. This approach can be harmful if it is not balanced with basic principles of financial literacy."
Ministry does involve certain levels of sacrifice, he adds, but as congregations cut wages or pay low salaries to balance their budgets, a worker's decision "to sacrifice" can become a penalty.

I just received word that the first EVAT strike teams have been deployed to the Texas district to begin the “ripple”. Pacification of those who are complaining about student loans and low pay is expected to be completed before the third fiscal quarter. Clearly, this is not our grandparent's synod.

Longeyemoose Seeks Counsel

Longeyemoose, over at his blog is seeking guidance with this post on whether or not he should enter the DELTO program. Anyone, of the priestly caste or otherwise, are requested to weigh in on the issue as this carbuncle on the taxpayers looks to his impending retirement as an air traffic controller.
For those not familiar with the DELTO program, DELTO provides contextual theological education leading to ordination for men who provide pastoral service to congregations or in situations that cannot support a full-time pastor or missionary.

Lutheran Carnival XL

Lutheran Carnival XL is now up at Lutheran Carnival. Make sure to take a few minutes and take a gander at all the great submissions. The next carnival will be hosted by Necessary Roughness. Posts are due by January 12th.

Emergency Rooms And Joel Osteen.

Boy I hate emergency rooms. I know they aren’t supposed to anyone’s favorite place. But, they are necessary because without them, God’s gifts, used in a variety of vocations, end up helping people. Right now they are helping my wife. She is very sick with an infection that has caused the left side of her face to swell up to three times its normal size. Clearly all of this is her fault. If only she had the kind of faith to believe that God wants her to get better. Actually I wish she had the kind of faith to never wind up here. I mean, all she seems to be thinking about is how much morphine she is going to get. All she seems to be thinking about is herself. For her right now, it’s all about me, me, me. Selfish, isn’t she.

What am I rambling on about? Well, this morning for my Sunday school class we went over a great article written by Rev. Todd Wilken in the latest issue of Higher Things. This time of year is a good time for “filler” as most of the high school age ragamuffins I teach are with their families visiting other relatives. But I really shouldn’t call the Higher Things magazine "filler". The magazine has more good theological content than do our official synodical magazines. What is supposed to be a “for kids” is something that I look forward to every time it comes to my door. It’s a great magazine, issue after issue, and I strongly recommend it to all. This morning, Rev. Wilken’s article led to a lively discussion on what is saving faith and what is the role of good works for the Christian.

Rev. Wilken, in this latest issue, tackles one of the most popular TV “evangelist” in America today, Joel Osteen, with an article entitled “Nice isn’t enough”. Joel Osteen has made his mark by promising to all who listen that God want all of us to have our best life now. In fact he wrote a book, (can you guess what the title is?)…… “Your best life now.” It is one of the all time best sellers that can be found in just about any store that carry “religious” books on its shelf. Joel states in his book that God wants to shower us with His blessings and all we have to do is believe. Our Lord wants us to get that choice parking spot at the mall. He wants us to go into the mall and find that tie we want on sale. He wants us to have the faith to believe that we will be upgraded, at no charge, from coach to first class on that flight to see our Aunt Lucy.

Rev. Wilken tackles the fact that Joel’s god is a nice god, I mean a very, very nice god. Joel’s god is so nice that he is willing to overlook the fact that we are sinful. Joel’s god overlooks sin and showers all who believe with the blessings that are due them… if they have the faith to believe.

Not covered in the Higher Things article was the story that Joel Osteen even went so far last week as to say on his televised TV show that if we all had the faith to believe, we could be assured that we would not be diagnosed with Alzeiheimers. He said that heart disease ran in his family and that he believed, no, he knew that the Lord of heaven and earth would not bother him with this little affliction.

Apparently Saint Paul didn’t read Joel’s book. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 Paul writes "And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I amstrong." So the apostle Paul asked three times and still the Lord thought it was a good thing that this thorn, whatever it was, was good?

And when Jesus became sin for us on the cross, did God overlook our High Priest offering himself up as propitiation? Who was Jesus talking to when he cried out “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” I guess Jesus didn’t read the book either. The “nice” God allowed His Son to be sacrificed. That ain’t nice if you ask me.

There are many names for this kind of screwed up theology. Some people call it “name it and claim it” or “blab it and grab it”. But Lutherans like to call it the theology of glory. The theology of glory tries to make God nice. The theology of glory tries to tie our own works and thoughts and deeds to our well being or bank account. The more faith we have says the theologian of glory, the better off we will be. The theologian of glory winds up calling good evil and evil good.

But the theologian of the cross, in direct contrast, calls a thing what it is. He recognizes that what happens to us on this side of eternity is a result of us poor sinful creatures living in a sinful world. Our faith and our bank account or parking spots have nothing to do with one another. Our own works and our own faith in the end will only wind up damning us.

Our Lord does bless us and always will bless us through His Church. Through Word and Sacrament, we enjoy a foretaste of that heavenly banquet that is promised to us. Our Lord says he will bless us and he does, just not the way the world around us can recognize without the eyes of faith.

The Lord is blessing me this evening as I sit in room ER19 with my wife. Through vocation, whether they are believers or unbelievers, God’s gifts being utilized through the doctors and especially through our nurse Alicia, are administering aid to my wife. It is through their care that eventually we will be able to go home.

My wife’s faith is fine. She understands that on this side of eternity, bad things can and will happen, even to the faithful. She prays every day and she reads her Bible every day. She has confessed Christ so I know that by grace she is one of the elect. And thankfully, she doesn’t read or watch Joel Osteen. Because if she did, I sure her heart rate would be even higher than it is now.

Update:
Well, the missus is home from the hospital now. Basically she was diagnosed with parotitis, leukocytosis, and fever. To put that in layman’s terms, she had a massive infection of her left saliva gland. Right now she is pretty doped up and sleeping a lot. Mucho thanks to the family “A” for letting me crash their New Years Eve extravaganza for a bite to eat. At their next party the sushi is on me.